Reviving this since 2013, cause I need somewhere to vent and complain .
Yup .
But I doubt anyone will see this LOL.

So , definition of friend . How does one define friendship?
By the amount of times spent together ?
By the number of days you meet up with them in a month?
By how much they spend on each other's birthday present?

To me, friends are special. The other half is one, friends are a totally different group.
Friends are people who know the most about you, both good and bad, yet they still stick with you, through thick and thin.
You don't have to meet them every day, but when you meet, the topics are endless.
Sometimes you don't even need them to say, but you know what they want/ is going to say.
They are like you second soulmates next to your spouse, cause for most of them, you'll know them before you know you spouse.
So friends to me are very special.

I'm not someone that is easy to befriend with, or at least that's what I feel.
I can be nice to you, but actually trusting someone is a tough one for me.
So for me to share something that is really personal with you, it'll take years.
Yes, I might have trust issues, but that's cause shit has happened before.

So I have this one 'Friend' , whom I've known for almost a decade.
We were really close before in school, and I deem her as one of my closest friend.
And I don't have that many close friends, less than 5, cause trust issues.
So to me to deem someone as a close friend, it's something, well, at least to me it is.
And then it came to the point where it's almost impossible to meet her up.
I tried to contact, tried to ask her out.
But the reason is always the same (yup, for years).
"I'm broke, next time can?"
"I no money lehh how? "
"I working, next time?"

I mean, I understand we're all busy with work/school.
But to the point where it takes me years to meet someone up, and we only met cause CNY this year everyone came my house, it's a little too much no?

I admit that we drifted apart because of her past relationship, which is a total different story altogether.
But when she asked me out for dinner 2 weeks ago, I thought I saw hope.
Hope that our friendship could be revived and things would be good again.
Sadly, 2 weeks ago my job will killing me, so it was pushed to this week.
So we were suppose to meet tomorrow for dinner. but guess what?
Reasons and excuses came in, again.

Some times I really wonder, is it really worth it?
Am I really that silly enough to think that she'll look for me just to eat dinner?
I was always only called out by her cause something happened.
Boyfriend, Family etc.
Never will she ask me out just because she wants to catch up.
Nope, never.

It disappoints me, but then everything I will still hope to revive that friendship, but I'll always be disappointed.
I'm silly? Probably.
So many friends told me that I should just give up and move on.
I told myself that too, but how do you move on from someone who you deemed as your sister from before?
Someone that you really took care so much that even you blood sister is jealous of (true story though)

I always get upset easily over friendship issues, cause they mean a lot to me.
But I guess not everyone sees friendship as important as I do.

Well, just a post to rant.
Not sure when is the next time I'll post, but I'm glad I kept this blog.
Feels good to be writing here again.


Till then ,