thank you for breathing.

❝ Friend

( posted on Thursday, August 10, 2017 @ 10:50 pm )

Reviving this since 2013, cause I need somewhere to vent and complain .
Yup .
But I doubt anyone will see this LOL.

So , definition of friend . How does one define friendship?
By the amount of times spent together ?
By the number of days you meet up with them in a month?
By how much they spend on each other's birthday present?

To me, friends are special. The other half is one, friends are a totally different group.
Friends are people who know the most about you, both good and bad, yet they still stick with you, through thick and thin.
You don't have to meet them every day, but when you meet, the topics are endless.
Sometimes you don't even need them to say, but you know what they want/ is going to say.
They are like you second soulmates next to your spouse, cause for most of them, you'll know them before you know you spouse.
So friends to me are very special.

I'm not someone that is easy to befriend with, or at least that's what I feel.
I can be nice to you, but actually trusting someone is a tough one for me.
So for me to share something that is really personal with you, it'll take years.
Yes, I might have trust issues, but that's cause shit has happened before.

So I have this one 'Friend' , whom I've known for almost a decade.
We were really close before in school, and I deem her as one of my closest friend.
And I don't have that many close friends, less than 5, cause trust issues.
So to me to deem someone as a close friend, it's something, well, at least to me it is.
And then it came to the point where it's almost impossible to meet her up.
I tried to contact, tried to ask her out.
But the reason is always the same (yup, for years).
"I'm broke, next time can?"
"I no money lehh how? "
"I working, next time?"

I mean, I understand we're all busy with work/school.
But to the point where it takes me years to meet someone up, and we only met cause CNY this year everyone came my house, it's a little too much no?

I admit that we drifted apart because of her past relationship, which is a total different story altogether.
But when she asked me out for dinner 2 weeks ago, I thought I saw hope.
Hope that our friendship could be revived and things would be good again.
Sadly, 2 weeks ago my job will killing me, so it was pushed to this week.
So we were suppose to meet tomorrow for dinner. but guess what?
Reasons and excuses came in, again.

Some times I really wonder, is it really worth it?
Am I really that silly enough to think that she'll look for me just to eat dinner?
I was always only called out by her cause something happened.
Boyfriend, Family etc.
Never will she ask me out just because she wants to catch up.
Nope, never.

It disappoints me, but then everything I will still hope to revive that friendship, but I'll always be disappointed.
I'm silly? Probably.
So many friends told me that I should just give up and move on.
I told myself that too, but how do you move on from someone who you deemed as your sister from before?
Someone that you really took care so much that even you blood sister is jealous of (true story though)

I always get upset easily over friendship issues, cause they mean a lot to me.
But I guess not everyone sees friendship as important as I do.

Well, just a post to rant.
Not sure when is the next time I'll post, but I'm glad I kept this blog.
Feels good to be writing here again.

Till then ,

❝ The Changes in life

( posted on Monday, November 25, 2013 @ 10:30 pm )

Yep ,these months have all been about him in the army ,well for us at least .
dead blog here lol .
Getting really lazy these months.
work taking up most part of it.

Been bout 4 months since i started work ...?
It's been ok (?) ,just that have to work between the politics .
tiring shit that is.
oh well, that's the problem when there are humans around LOL .

That's all i wanna say i guess LOL .

Till next time,

❝ Out

( posted on Wednesday, September 18, 2013 @ 4:27 pm )

Working for 3 months. Things have changed.
I'm starting to have the feeling that I am drifting away from my family.
My weekends are spent mostly with boyfriend, so I have little time for home.
But it's so irritating, if i don't, i don't have time for him at all.
Army is such an asshole.
Don't like this feeling of drifting away from my family.
They are my family, the ones i loved most, the ones that will always be there no matter what happens.
I told myself to make more time for them, but cause of my irregular working hours, its so difficult.
Sighhhh

❝ 3 years ,& it all comes to this one day

( posted on Friday, May 17, 2013 @ 11:25 pm )

Im not gonna bother about the photos alignment .
Cause it changed to much that i cant be bothered to figure it out .LOL

Yes ,I've graduated.
From TP, from schools (for now).

Throughout these 3 years, i must say i really learnt a lot of things.
Be it academic, practical or dealing with people.
CCM made me grew, alot.

I almost got into RMT, which i was fine with but, not what I wanted.
So I took my work fren's advice, appealed through DAE.
Got the interview, was freaking nervous.
Still remember the day they called me to say that I got into CCM,
I was jumping outside a class room in HS. I was interviewing the next batch of PLs/PSs LOL.
So here comes my poly life.

I still remember coming in as a small girl,
hoping to slack as much as I could.

Yes ,i dont like to study .

But the time came where you have to work with other people as a group,
and everyone is graded by each other, then I started working hard ,a bit .LOL
Presentation fright was one of my biggest problems.
To the point where I would get mind stuck and stop talking during presentation .

Yup ,thats pretty much Year 1.

Year 2 ,a year no CCM would forget, or want to miss out.
Cause that's where all the fun begins.
We always like to complain, wake up at 4-5am ,reach sch at 7 ,
tiring, grooming difficult to pass etc etc etc.
But at the end of the day, we all know we love those days the best.
Cause that's when we start to bond as a course.
Year 2 for CCM is a very introverted year.
Cause we only keep to ourselves.
I mean, we have a whole building for ourselves.
Go sch at 6, end at 4, stand whole day.
Not many would still have the energy to party.
So yes, introvert year. But best year ever.

Year 3, internship.
I learned alot of my place.
Be it skills or dealing with people, it taught me alot.
It also showed me how the real world looks like.
Not all of it, but most of it.
Cause they'll usually treat interns nicer, hoping that we'll go back to work.
That's when they'll chop and mince u up. LOL.

3.2, the final semester.
It sucks, cause you've been dealing with knives and cuts for half a year, now its back to pen and paper -.- .
I could really get my pace back for the first lik ,2 months?
I wouldnt say i have the best class, but I have the best groupmates ever.
We're all the same pattern, play ,do work ,eat ,play ,do work, play ,play ,do work ,go home.
So we very gam ho. I mean, its really hard to find good group mates at ur last sem,
cause everyone starts to choose people they wanna work with.
The better ones, of course.
My group, well, different uh.
We dont just dive in ,do work, and go home.
We joke, play, have HTHT, gossip etc.
It's fun, really fun.
Hence I really enjoyed my last sem in school.
FYP was another significant event in TP, for CCM.
We plan, organise and run a whole event by ourselves.
Tell me that's not shiok.
I personally feel that that event bonded us back together again.
I was really happy working that day, no regrets or anything grumbles.
The feeling of everyone being together and working together again, just feels so good.
But then again, there wont be another time. Anymore.

And that ends my 3 years in TP.
From a small girl, to a lady that is preparing to move to the social university,
or I would prefer to call, reality.

Not all of them will see this, but still :-

Daddy, mummy, Thank you.
Not just for the money (LOL).
But for trusting me ,and letting me choose this course, despite daddy nagging about it till today.
For understanding my crazy working hours in this industry.
I will make time for family even when I start full time.
I promise.

Baby boy, yes, you're next.
I wouldn't say we've been through the thickest and thinnest of life.
But what we've gone through is enough for our relationship to be stable. Or at least I feel so.
CCM let me know you, be friends with you, understand you, got together with you.
Till today, I still believe it's fated, from DAE, when we're sitting beside each other while being baked by Mr Goh.
Thank you, for coming to my life, and brighten it up.
Our coming path will be tough, me working, u in army.
But we can pull it through =].
We've got plans to follow yo!

I love you baby.

To all my CCM coursemates.
I believe non of them will see this, but still.
CCM would not be CCM without you guys.
Our characters might not all fit well, but when the time comes,
we can always work together as one CCM and stun the whole world.
Rock on people, see you guys in the near future =]

7W .Yes ,you girls.
My pillars of support.
Its awesome how little we meet each other, we can still stay this strong.
We can have disputes and stuff, but at the end of the day, when one is upset,
the rest will know how/ what to do to make her feel better.
We might all be separated in different schools, but it doesnt make us feel any further away from each other.
Cause frankly, we still live quite near LOL.
Not so when I move to Fernvale next year though ='[ .
My girls, we'll be moving to our own paths soon.
Work or studies, we'll meet up lesser and lesser.
But I still hope that our friendship stays strong.
I need 6 bridesmaid for my wedding =] . (well, 7, cause i got a sister).

I love my girls.

Alvin, Amanda, Ghimmy.
Guys ,we really need to meet up more often.
Our last official meet up was X'mas 0..0 .

Amanda, study hard.
One more year to go, life's not easy, but dun get taken down by it.
Challenge it and beat it down.
I believe you can do it =] .
Im always around if u need a pair of ears to listen to.

Alvin, all the best for intern boy!
If not go OSIP, tell me where you going, I wanna go visit heehee .
Work hard, study hard. (dont need tell you play hard one luh).
One more year, then it's my turn to go find you take photo le.

Ghimmy, Bro, we seemed to have lost contact since your internship.
Meet up soon yea ? Or at least before you get into army.
Not first time see u botak, but no harm seeing more heehee.
If you still remember, 21st uhhh =] .

That's all I guess.
Need to sleep, working tmr T__T.

Sorry for my VERY VERY lack of updates.
I'll try my best >..<

Till then,

Bye

❝ Stuck

( posted on Wednesday, May 01, 2013 @ 8:31 pm )

I don't think im the only one that feels this .
The feeling of being stuck in between 2 things/people ,and the kinda pressure you feel .
Do this, that not happy. Do that ,the other one not happy .
Yea, it sucks.
I came across this quote saying :

Life is simple .Humans complicate things.

Yea, I totally agree.
It really sucks when you get stuck between 2 people that matters to you .
And when you listen to either side, the other party would be upset.
AND, they are not upset at each other, they'll be upset at you ,because they don't know/realise
that the other party is the one that wanted that decision/choice, not you.
And then who will be the one that get blamed for everything?
Yea, you .
Just because you get stuck in between, means whatever you do, it'll always be wrong in either side's eyes.
And then the kinda pressure you feel, it seriously sucks.
To the point where you just wanna do things your way, and your way ONLY

Then people will start asking ,
'So in the first place ,why do you wanna listen to the others? '
'Shouldn't you make your decisions yourself?'

Well I would, if I was who I was 4 years ago.
I couldn't be bothered, i'll just do things my way.
But when I do that, things happen.
People don't like what I do, start to judge etc etc ...
At least, it happened before.
So I started to listen to advises before I do things.
And then? I have to heed everyone's advice before I can do something,
if not people would start to get unhappy.

Yea, if it was 4 years ago, i would have said
'You dont like ,not my prob. It's my decision, I make it.'

Things change over the years, too much changes.

Fuck this society.
Every decision you make, there'll sure to be people that is unhappy about.
Be it your friends, family or loved ones.
Sure will .

I wished I still had my fucked care attitude.
Then things would have been so much easier.

❝ Graduating ... Moving into the real world

( posted on Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 3:47 pm )

Yes ,no joke .I'm graduating ,in May ,from TP .
Tell me that's not fast ?
It felt like ytd when I just went TCA for DAE interview, and then POOF !
I'm graduating already .
Life's moving a little too fast ,no ?

I don't know if all graduates feel this ,but I'm scared .
Of moving into the working world .
We always watch TV and see those adult shooting here & there ,
back stabs others for promotions.
& even my mum says ,does anyone ever get worried that they might be the one to die ?
Not really mean 'DIE' luh ,just get outcast and stuff .
No ? Maybe its just me thinking too much.

Recently ,I've seen many people making plans for marriage etc .

Speaking of that ,Congrats to Yong yi & Tizane !

Coming back ,its nice to see people around you getting together ,
married, ready for a family n stuff .
But ,dont they ever worry for what happens after that ?
You know they always say ,marriage is the tomb for love .
If that's the case, then why do people still get married ?

I talked to Yong Yi ,asked him if he worries about what happens after marriage.
Like ,his wife cant get along with his parents ,not enough money to feed the family n stuff.
He told me sure will worry one .He is already worrying already ,though his wedding is next sat.
But he said ,船到桥头自然直 ,when problems happen ,there's bound to be a way to solve it.
It's just whether you know how to or not.

Then he asked me when's my turn ?
I told him not so fast ,cause both of us are not working n stuff ,need some time to save up .
He told me, no matter hw long we save, it'll never be enough .
Cause the more money u have ,the more you'll wanna make you wedding fabulous, the more u spend.
So no matter how much u save ,it'll never be enough .

Well, i find it true .
But ,maybe it's just a girl's thinking ,but who doesnt want their wedding to be fabulous ?
I'm not saying horse carriage n dress full of diamonds.
At least, a proper dinner at a hotel ? doesnt have to some 5-6 star hotel .
Yes ,it costs ,but then ,it's a once in a life time thing ,unless you plan to remarry .LOL
Who doesn't want that once in a life time to be awesome ?

Yes ,I'm just 20 and I'm thinking bout this kinda things lol .
But well ,life's moving so quickly these days ,its always the best to think before hand I guess.
At least that's what my parents & CCM taught me ,think forward .
Foresee what might happen and if its bad, prevent it.
Ah well ,that's years to come .

On the side note ,I'm moving to Sengkang west =[ (AKA fernvale)

Not a choice I wanted .but my parents prefer there, cause it's the only flat that is high.
The other choice was right beside Buangkok MRT ,but second floor .They didn't like it .
So yea =/ .Oh well ,earliest we can move in is next year .
Hopefully not regrets ...
Transport there is REALLY ma fan .
Aim to get car soon .If not ,all my salary is gng to feed SMRT/SBS already .

That's all !
Guess i'll be updating blog abit more often now ,
since this year will be quite an eventful year .

Till then ,
♥

❝ Trust

( posted on Friday, March 15, 2013 @ 12:15 am )

To me ,in a relationship ,trust is one of the most important thing ,other than communication .
Without that ,a relationship won't be good, and won't last long.
It sucks when your other part stops trusting you and starts lying to you .
Yes ,it totally sucks .

For the first time in my life, I was so pissed that I cried the soul out of me .
It was even worse than the photo incident .
I was in the 'dont-fuck-with-me' mood ,anything ,seriously anything will get the fire burning .
Hell yes I was pissed ,fucking pissed .
To the point that the end was coming .
Have you ever thought of how I would feel ?
If you're the one being treated this way , I'll see how you'd react .
I was already treating you with nicer words .
The worst hasn't come ,trust me .
My vocab isn't that bad when it comes to scolding .

I'm blogging this days after it happened ,cause I know if I did on the day itself ,
I'd use words that'll make you wanna die .
Blogging now ,i don't want you to read and continue feeling upset over it .
Things happen ,move on now .
You often say ,when either of us gets upset ,what is the other party suppose to do ?
Get upset together ?or just do his/her best to cheer each other up ?
That's up to you to chose .

Really ,these days has been hell enough for me .
I haven't felt this upset in years .
The feeling deep down inside .

& for god's sake .
Stop spying on my twitter .

❝ I Hate This

( posted on Thursday, January 10, 2013 @ 10:10 pm )

Yeap ,I know ,her results are good .
I feel happy for her .
Cause no matter what ,she is my sister.
It's good to see her able to move the direction she wants .
But why do the two of you act so obviously that only the smart kid gets the praise?

No ,I don't blame my sister on this. Cause her results ARE better than mine .
At least she can get into a JC, which she doesn't .
But what about me?

No, I'm not the smartest kid.
But am I not your kid ?
Why is there such a big difference ?

When I got my Os chinese ,A2 .
I was so happy that I jumped outside class,
thinking finally I got something good to show to you that I'm not wasting your money in studying.
But what do I get when I come back home ?

I asked my dad if he knew what I got for chinese ,
he said 'ya ,A2 uh ,so happy for what ?
CHINESE LEH ,YOU ONLY GET A2 ,WHY NEVER GET A1 !?'

My mind shot 'Joanne ,he's not gona praise you for anything .'
So I told him 'it's for O levels'
So ,what's his reply ?
'Har ?orh ok lor ' ,n he moves on to bathe .

If you really think studying these days is easy, think again.
If I didnt remember wrongly, my year ,my batch's chinese ,
there werent many As ,let alone A1 .

After I got my results, other than asking why didnt I work harder ,
I hear no praises.
No ,I'm not the smartest kid.
But can you at least show me that I am YOUR kid ?
A little 'well done ! good job !' will make me so happy .
Havent you ever wonder why my scores hasnt been well since sec sch ?
Because I dont feel tt my good studies make any changes .
Get B3, ask why nv do better .
Get A, ask why nv get full marks .

HEY ,I'm human ,not a freaking machine tt studies 24/7 .

So ,what happened today ?
Yes ,my sis gt her results .
My mum told my dad , he msged her congrats .

wow .

Sometimes I really feel adopted .
Like she's your real kid .
I'm just someone u adopted to test out life for her,
so that she doesnt walk the wrong path .
& this feeling accumulates over the years .

I knw many ppl say that the eldest are always white mice .
But mices still get treats are rewards ,
what do I get ?
canes ,scoldings , demoralization .

You'll never look at how good I did things .
Never .you'll only look at the bad side .

Pri sch ,Pri 1 .
My math gt 96 ,chinese gt 100 .
You caned me for nt acing my math ,never said anything about chinese .
Cause to you , acing chinese is nothing much .
Yea ,try looking at kids these days .
See how many of them ace their chinese .

It just sucks .
To always feel that what you do is never enough ,
never appreciated ,by anyone .
Cause they'll always ask for more.

❝ Oh, really ?

( posted on Sunday, December 30, 2012 @ 11:05 pm )

Your post on the 27th, I read it.
I was touched.
Touched that my little sister wants to try to make our r/s better.
I cried.
Cried because I do remember those little memories of ours.
When you're 7, you always cried in school,
& I had to go look after you when your teacher came to look for me.

I remembered we were crying together in our room,
when mummy laughed at us, saying we're silly girls,
sleep tgt, cry tgt.

& remember the barbies tt was thrown down to the bin?
We cried and ask mummy to let us take it back frm the bin?

& remember that time I took our cousin's blue star and gave to you,
because you lost yours ,& got caned by ah ma?
I never regretted that, because that's when I know I still love my little sister.

But what happened to us? now ?

Was it because I moved out of our room,
that we have lesser time for each other,
that we drifted apart?

We have more quarrels that laughter together.
We both never made the effort to mend our r/s.
Instead, it gets worse.

I was never the role model for you.
Be it studies or anything else, never.
I never knew how to take care of you.
& sometimes I am really how people can tell me that
they go watch movie with their siblings,
play, have dinner tgt.
Some even have sibilings outings.
But us?
One day no quarrel, it's good enough.

Wei, if you're willing to, let's put in effort together, shall we ?
I don't know if you'll ever see this post,
cause I doubt you have my blog link.

But I just wanna let you know,
I love you, no lesser that anyone I know in this world.
We both know we've never expressed ourselves well towards each other,
at all.
So maybe we can start now?

Cause we lived together for 17 years.
We're from same parents, same family, same blood line.

I don't know how you'll feel when you read this,
you might feel that I'm crying crocs tears.
But,
I do hope our r/s will change for the better.
Cause I missed how things were, before.

你是我的妹妹，一辈子都是。
老爸整天说，做姐妹，一辈子只有一次。
如果有下辈子，我还有和你做姐妹。

❝ 2nd Year

( posted on Saturday, December 08, 2012 @ 9:53 pm )

Yup ,the second year.
Didn't post a anniversary post last year (i think) .
Im starting to forget about this blog.
LOL.

Well yea, we're tgt for 2 years already.
Fast, isn't it?
Sometimes a little too fast.
until now i still can't forget that nite where he popped the question.

Many's been asking how did he ask,
& no ,I'm not gonna say it here,
ask me if you wanna know =]

So yea, just a short post to update about life,
which hasn't been really well.
projects, projects, tests, projects, projects.
Uhhh -.-

To my boy,
If you'll still see this.
Just to let you know, everything in that little booklet means everything to me.
Our 2 years had never been easy to go through.
Internship & your competition was tough,
but we still went through together =] .

Next comes NS, 2 years.
I'll be waiting for you to come out after the first 2 weeks,
my very own botak xD.

I'll be waiting =]

I Love You Baby,
More than anything else.

❝ Money

( posted on Thursday, October 18, 2012 @ 8:49 pm )

Yes ,Money . Something I'm sure everyone hates and loves at the same time . Love it when you have enough/more of it . Hate when you're short of it . Money in my family has never been liked . Since young ,or at least ,since i remembered things , daddy had to give ah ma money to see doc . When her illness got worse ,he needs to hire her a maid , then ,he had to drive taxi on weekends to make enough money . Then ,Me & sis needed tuition ,so ,things got worse , esp when I'm having my Os . So ,he tried to drive taxi as much as he could . In the past there was no such thing as family day , including PHs . Then Ah ma passed away ,I thought that things would go better for us . At least no more maid ,no more ah ma's super expensive medical bills , & that I could work part time . Hell no . Daddy's stomach got sick ,needed long term medication , every year need to go for scan to make sure nothing happens . Meaning ?Money thrown to hospital & medicine again . Wanna claim from insurance ? they give us bloody un-understoodable papers to fill in .(Yea ,fuck you for that) Then ,mummy didn't feel well either . Every year also need to go check up . I still have half a year more to graduation , Sis ,a week more to Os . The government is always talking about helping those low-income families . Then how about us ? Those that are stuck in the middle of no where ,struggling like mad ? Yes ,we're not poor until we can't get food . Yes ,I know I'm luckier than many people out there that are dying of hunger . But look at their society ,and look at ours . If i'm living in Indonesia/Philippines with the amount of income my parents earn ,I'm sure I won't ever complain . Why ?Cause their standard of living isn't damn high . These days ,even eating in school ,a meal will cost you $3-6 . Bus & MRT fare ?HAH . I don't even wanna recall how many times I hear my parents talking about no money ,wanting to do this ,do that . My daddy's stomach didn't go well because of irregular meals , because of his work ,because he wants the family to live better . Yes ,i complained many times about him . But at the beginning ,when he told me he might get stomach cancer , I cried . Back then ,Ah ma just passed away ,just a few weeks . The thought of losing another family member , my first thought was to just kill me . Sometimes I really ,really really really hope that money would drop from the sky . No need everyday ,once every month ,drop just $500 ,i'll be happy . At least that would settle some medical bill from my family . I believe it will help many too . But ,free stuff will never come .

❝

( posted on Wednesday, September 19, 2012 @ 8:33 pm )

Again ,this happened . Forever ,what ever I do ,u'll never be happy . No matter how good i do ,u'll nv find it enough . Os chi ,i got A2 ,you scold mi why nv get A1 . Pri maths ,i gt 96 ,you scold me why nv get 100 . I go poly ,you scold why dun wan go JC . you scold me ,i talk back ,u sae i ding zui . Dont talk ,u sae i ya ba . Srsly ,wtf do u wan from me ? pleasing you was the hardest thing to do in my 19 years of life . 做什么，说什么，都错 . & you dont just scold one person ,you scold the whole family . And all you know ,is to tell everyone how tired you are etc etc . But ,who isn't ? schooling these days aint easy ,mum is working too . sit in office doesnt mean she's nt tired . Office politics are more scary than you think . Yes ,you work more than anyone else ,we all knw that . BUT THAT DOESNT MAKE YOU KING OF THE HOUSE . you dont just scold anyone and give everyone shit as you like . you aint the one thst is tired . It's ok ,I know what to do . I'll just keep on working until school starts . You don't see me ,you'll be happy eh ? FINE

❝ Future

( posted on Saturday, September 01, 2012 @ 11:32 pm )

Fell in love with this collage i made . Kinda represents what makes me ,well ,me today . All my loved ones (of cos ,& my family) Love them much ♥ It's been a long while since i blogged . Was thinking whether i wanna close it down . But then ,nahhhhh . This blog gives me plenty of memoties =] . Intern is officially over . I would sae that i did learn many things from there , not technical/skills wise though ,more on communicating with people . Learned to be more careful haha . Oh well ,It's my last hols in poly . Geez ,im srsly getting old =.= . There are many times i kept thinking , what will happen after graduation . The guys will go army ,girls strts to work . Everyone starts to go their own ways =/ . Which means lesser time to meet my darlings ,esp the guys . Then when they come out frm NS ,they strt work ,too . Also ,no time to meet =[ . Sigh .

❝ Closed (?)

( posted on Thursday, June 28, 2012 @ 4:16 pm )

I find myself not opening up to people like how i used to anymore . Not even to those that i used to talk every single thing about before . I kept asking myself why ?You used to talk to him/her about everything , why not now ? I guess there's only one reason to that . Because people judge ,no matter how long they know you . Or at least ,that's how i think . Internship taught me to talk lesser about how you feel , because there's nobody you can fully trust there . For all you know ,the person you trust might just stab you on the back . So I guess this is how i feel the world/society is becoming like . Having no one you could trust ,or at least , I dont know if i could trust anyone anymore . Cause from what I know , my generation doesnt judge by what they see , is by what they hear from other people about that person . in short ,by rumors . So ,i dont know .maybe its just me . People always says that last time is always better . Ya ,I agree . at least i can talk to those people i can always trust , and that i dont have to worry that they'll tell anyone anything i told them ,& vice versa . You dont really feel this kinda trust these days .

人都会变　，我的好朋友们　，你们变了吗　?

❝ SIP ....Real industry world

( posted on Sunday, May 06, 2012 @ 9:49 pm )

Heyllos ppl !
Its been reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly long eh ?
Year 3 strted ,intern strted on 2nd Apr .
Still coping well I guess ? the place is ok ,its jus the ppl .
Not all of them though .some of them are really nice and helpful =] .

Its just some (well, most) of the ppl thr ,they can be really selfish .
I remember Chef Lua telling us when we're in toptable , that we shld always help in each other ,
so that things can be done faster & better .
For the first few weeks ,I did help as much as i cld .
srsly did ,even stayed ltr than my work time to help .
But then i realised ,i help ppl ,they tak my help for granted .
Then slowly ,it becomes a natural thing for me to help them .
The worst ?They dont bother to help u back .
I mean ,this kinda thing ,its a give n take . Ppl help u ,naturally shld help back .

Some of the full timers there told me that they themselves dont feel the team work in the kitchen itself .
Everyone jus cares for themselves .
Which i find kinda upseting .
Have you heard before a place ,wher 4 ppl resigns in a mth ?
Surprising ?I feel so too . Its like ,i've onli knwn them ,n nw they are leaving alrdy .
Sigh . I dont like the vibe im feeling at my work place .

I miss Toptable times .
I miss it where ppl helps each other ,so tt everyone has more time to rest n eat meals tgt .

Sigh

❝ Why ?

( posted on Wednesday, April 11, 2012 @ 12:13 am )

We've been together for so long .
Until now ,you still feel that I would find it a bother to hear things from you (?)
You know it hurts ?to see you keep all day quiet ,
staring into space ,having no appetite ,no mood for anything ,
yet not knowing the reason & cant do a single shit to help ?
For once I thought I did something wrong again ,
thought that history is going to repeat .

Please ,don't .Don't keep things from me ,no matter what it is .
You're not alone now .We're tgt for a reason .
If you're not going to tell me ,then how do I know what's bothering you ?
How do I know if you're keeping quiet cause you're just plain tired ?
or that I did something wrong ?
or something went wrong somewhere ?
You know my mind goes everywhere when I don't get answers .
seriously ,everywhere .

Please .no more next time .

It hurts

♥

❝ Many thoughts

( posted on Thursday, March 22, 2012 @ 11:40 pm )

Hey .

I dont know why ,I've been finding it difficult to sleep these few wks .
Before I sleep ,thr's sure to be at leat 30 mins of flipping on bed .
Alvin used to hav this ,I dunno if he still has it now .
but the funny thing is ,I dont know why .
Why am I flipping on bed like crazy ,sleeping ltr than i wanted ,
but wakin up earlier than usual .
In the past ,I can sleep from 12-10 (srsly ,I can)
but nw .sleep at 1 ,wake up at 8 -.- .
My body's gng mad .

Oh well ,jus some random pics I got frm Tumblr .

My ultimate wish

How I wish I am ...

Roses are just sooooooooooooooo pretty .
Don't you think ?

I love to hear that ..

On the side note ,there've been quite alot of thoughts gng through my mind ,
nt at night ,of course .
many many many random things .
too random until I can't remember all of them .

the most recent one was cause I was looking through secondary school photos .
All the memories jus flows in lik WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH ~!

Guitar ,guides ,class ...
all the stupid/funny/sad things that happened .
Come to tink of it ,until now ,those were my happiest days of life .
Days where all you have to do is go school ,meet friends in class in the morning .
Go assembly when the prefect chases you to (LOL).
Cher mark attendence ,stand a few mins while national song is playing ,
go back class .

Back in class ,its our heaven .
Listen to ear piece and sleep ,
play Mario Kart ,DJ max ,eat maggie mee .
once in awhile ,special things happen in school .
LOL .

Back then ,things were so much simpler .
So much easier to understand ,
So much easier to know ,
So much easier to deal with .
Love was simpler ,friendship was simpler ,
SCHOOL WORK WAS WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SIMPLER .

people were more forgiving ,more understanding ,more caring .
when they know you as friends ,they mean friends .
no such thing as back stabbing ,betraying .
any of tt ,he/she is out of the clique .
anyone upset ,everyone will gather tgt and find multiple ways to cheer them up ,
even if they cry/feel upset for the smallest things .

Forever remember Alvin's way of making me smile .
Simple ,but effective =] .

ahhh ,those days .
Nothing can ever replace them .
at least not in my heart .

ok ,time for bed ,i hope .
Nights ♥